It's December 3rd and I've read approximately 143 Holiday Gift Guides already but maybe you aren't on the same kind of internet that I'm on (I'm always FASCINATED when my husband tells me of major news/happenings/events/love-ins/elections/etc. that didn't even cross my internet radar ONCE that day, and vice-versa. Livin' on different e-planes, yo!), or maybe you haven't found the RIGHT gift guide yet.
I'm here for you.
Here's some majorly cool shiiiii I've come across on the internet recently, stuff to get your best friend, boyfriend, mother, or me, for example (my birthday is on Christmas. KIRAMAS IS TRULY UPON US!!!!!!!!!!!!) !
1. A ROSEMARY BUSH OF ONE'S OWN
2. GORGEOUS FANCY LIPSTICK IN AN OUTRAGEOUSLY BEAUTIFUL COLO(U)R
3. BOOB PILLOWS OF DREAMS LITERALLY
4. GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL KITCHEN ITEM
5. THE HAT I'M GETTING MY DAD AND I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT HIM SEEING THIS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO OPEN ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET OTHER THAN HIS EMAIL AND EVEN THAT "DOESN'T WORK" SOME DAYS
6. LITERALLY THE MOST COMFORTABLE AND BEAUTIFUL UNDERWEAR I'VE EVER WORN AND I'M MAD I ONLY HAVE TWO PAIRS AND THEY'RE HANDMADE IN LATVIA TOO
7. RAD AS HELL HANGING FACE PLANT POT
8. MUSHROOM PEOPLE BACKPACK
9. A DONATION TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD IN SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME BECAUSE THEY NEED AND WE NEED IT AND AMERICA NEEDS IT AND THE FACT THAT ITS FUTURE IS ENDANGERED IS UTTERLY INANE
10. A JON HUCK WATERCOLOR PAINTING
11. MY FRIENDS SOFIYA & COURTNEY MADE AN ETSY STORE COMPRISED OF GOODS FAKE QUOTING DEAD AUTHORS
12. SUBSCRIPTION TO LIFE & THYME MAGAZINE, A TRULY STELLAR JOURNAL OF CULINARY STORYTELLING
13. SERIOUSLY GORGEOUS SOCKS IN UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL PAINTERLY PRINTS I HAD A PAIR ONCE AND LOST ONE OF THEM AND I'M STILL DEVASTATED ABOUT IT ITS THE ONLY SOCK I'VE EVER HAD REAL FEELINGS FOR
14. CODE UNKNOWN BY MICHAEL HANEKE, ONE OF THE MOST COMPELLING FILMS I'VE WATCHED IN YEARS AND I BELIEVE ESSENTIAL VIEWING FOR EVERY HUMAN
And that's it!
12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS PLUS TWO, 12 PLUS TWO BULLET POINTS OF GIFTS. MERRILY MERRILY MERRILY MERRILY, LIFE IS BUT A SENSELESSLY NUMBERED LIST!
Phew, thanks to this list I can finally X out of SOME of these 29 open tabs.